Being Your Child’s No. 1 Advocate

Washington Parent Magazine, September 1992
Annette Spector, M.S., Ed.

Ideally, you want your child in an educational setting that is supportive and nurturing. You also want your child to develop a positive self concept and high self esteem. Additionally, you want to ensure that your child’s teachers (and school) are providing appropriate academic instruction. An important academic goal would be to ensure that your child reaches his or her highest potential within a stimulating and challenging environment. How can you, as your child’s number one advocate, stay in tune with what is happening in school academically, socially and emotionally, and ensure that your child is happy and well adjusted? As an educational consultant, parents often ask me, “Should I get involved? Should I call the teacher? Am I too concerned? Won’t the teacher or school consider me a “pushy parent” who is over-involved? Won’t there be repercussions on my child if I complain? Should you be concerned when your child comes home with these types of comments?

“The kids don’t like me.” “I’m stupid.” “My teacher hates me.” “I have no friends.” “I can’t read any words.” “The work is too hard.” “I never finish my work.” “Math is always confusing.” “I don’t know how to write this book report”.

Yes, you should be concerned, but don’t panic. Children think and talk in “extremes.” Comments of this type are usually the result of one incident that has made a strong impact on your child. So check it out by asking follow-up questions to gain as much insight as possible and then give the teacher a call. You and your child’s teacher need to function as a team. Raising concerns to the teacher doesn’t mean that you are confrontational. By communicating on a regular basis, you and the teacher will most likely establish a very positive relationship.

Most of the time, teachers truly appreciate your input and will thank you for letting them know that your child is upset or that you are concerned about a particular skill.

Teachers Aren’t Mind-Readers

In many cases, your child’s teacher isn’t even aware that an “unhappy camper” has arrived home with the weight of the world upon his or her shoulders. In some cases, your child might have totally misperceived what the teacher did or said (i.e., reprimanding or yelling at another child and your child thinks, “Oh! The teacher’s mad at me.”) Sometimes, the teacher actually might have “blown his/her cool” (being human) and doesn’t realize the strong impact that the sudden outburst has had on your child. A quick phone call to the teacher can be so helpful. Most of the time the teacher will thank you for letting them know and usually upon entering the classroom the following day, your child will receive a warm apology or explanation from the teacher.

Early Communication Is Essential

It is very important that teachers know about your child’s interests, strengths and weaknesses. Recently, one of my clients shared with me one of the nicest, most innovative ways of presenting a profile of their child to the classroom teacher. The child, with the help of his parents, made a book “About Me” with pictures and photographs, including pages of information about pets, hobbies, interests, “what I struggle with,” “what’s easy for me,” favorite books, places, foods, movies, etc. The book was presented to the teacher during the first week of school. What a wonderful way for the teacher to get a “jump start” on learning about your child. This can be very helpful to the teacher when reading and writing assignments are given. The teacher can recommend a book or topic based on your child’s interests.

If your child has certain fears or particular difficulties with speech, fine or gross motor skills (cutting, holding a pencil, writing, balancing, catching a ball), you should definitely make the teacher aware of these issues. Knowing this ahead of time, the teacher can give extra encouragement or extra time when needed. On the other hand, if your child has definite strengths, such as being an early reader, playing a musical instrument, drawing well, having a flair for writing stories, these skills need to be made known to the teacher as well.

Utilizing your child’s strengths to the maximum extent in the classroom will help your child develop self confidence and a positive self esteem. For instance, if the teacher knows the first week of school that your child reads well, the teacher can ask your child to read aloud to a classmate who hasn’t yet acquired reading skills. On the other hand, if the teacher knows that your child can’t draw very well, but loves writing stories, another classmate can be selected to be the illustrator for your child’s story.

Don’t be afraid of sharing test results with teachers, if you have evaluations from an occupational therapist, developmental pediatrician, speech and language therapist, educational consultant, optometrist, psychologist, or preschool child find clinic, go ahead and share results with the teacher. Information about your child’s cognitive, perceptual, academic skills, learning styles, and relative strengths and weaknesses is extremely important for the teacher to know in order to set realistic and appropriate educational goals.

As your child’s number one advocate, there are many ways you can share this information with your child’s teacher. Certainly, the book idea, “About Me,” is one novel way, but quick teacher conferences or phone calls at the beginning of the year can also be very helpful to ensure that your child starts off the school year on a positive note.